Santa vs. Jesus

The scientific journal SPY magazine (January 1990) constructed a scientific analysis of Santa. Here’s some of their conclusions:

“Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each house, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

. . . a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons.

On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer.  This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons.  353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.”

(SPY Magazine, January 1990)

Santa and Jesus Christ have eternal life

  • Revelation 1:8—Beginning and the End
  • Isaiah 9:6—Everlasting Father
  • John 1:1-3—In the beginning

Santa and Jesus Christ live in the North

  • Psalm 48:2

Santa, as Jesus Christ is a carpenter

  • Mark 6:3
  • Santa’s workshop

Santa, like Jesus Christ is omniscient – he knows everything

  • He sees you when you’re sleeping, He knows when you’re awake, he knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake
  • Hebrews 4:13
  • Proverbs 15:3

Jesus Christ is not bound by nature and neither is Santa Claus

  • Matthew 14:25

Jesus Christ is not bound by time and neither is Santa Claus

  • 2 Peter 3:8

Jesus Christ is believed on and worshipped just as Santa Claus

  • John 9:38
  • You don’t believe Santa is worshipped?  Try telling folks Santa is a fake.  You’d get thrown out and ridiculed and HE ISN”T EVEN REAL! And you think people don’t worship him? Parents thought you’d committed the unpardonable sin by telling your kids he doesn’t exist.
  • John 12:12 – Jesus Christ is worshipped when people came out to see him just as Santa Claus

Jesus Christ is sinless and so is Santa Claus

  • Romans 5:12
  • Is Santa portrayed as being a drunk?  Does he have a foul mouth?  Would he ever kill anybody?  Oh no, Santa is sinless!

Santa is omnipresent just like Jesus Christ

  • Matthew 28:20
  • Santa Claus is everywhere.  At the mall, in the parade, at the shopping center. He’s in Texas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, Florida, Minnesota, Colorado, California, New York, he’s everywhere

Jesus Christ’s coming is celebrated by his believers as is Santa’s

  • Revelation 1:13

As Jesus Christ, Santa has:

  • White Hair—Revelation 1:14
  • Red Garments—Isaiah 63:2

Jesus Christ comes with his rewards as Santa Claus

  • Revelation 22:12

The Books were opened, Santa’s good and bad list

  • He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice
  • Revelation 20:12

Santa is the Father of Lights as Jesus Christ

  • James 1:17

Ho, ho, ho from the north

  • Zechariah 2:6

Christmas Tree

  • Jeremiah 10:3-5