Proverbs 14:15 says a prudent man looketh well to his going. You probably do at least some research, due diligence, before making a big purchase. Marriage is a big decision. It would be foolish to enter into a decision you hope to only make once in your life without regard for things that could give wisdom to your decision.
I’m going to give you four “F”s before marriage. The hope is not just have a marriage, but have a marriage that honors Jesus Christ. Have a marriage that God can bless. You might want to write them down. And even if you’re married, these may be things you want your kids or grandkids to know and think about.
- Job situation? Is he able to support her?
- Is there any debt? How will you handle that? Is there a budget?
- Spending habits, gambling habits, money habits that are hidden because they’re a problem?
- Do you own a home? Are you living at home? Is there a plan to move out on your own?
- Do you have any saving habits? investing habits? giving habits?
- How does she treat dad? How does he treat mom? Manipulative or loving? It’ll be an indicator of how you’ll be treated in this marriage.
- Is his/her family large/small? How do they interact? Only child?
- Do you want kids together? How many? How will they be disciplined?
- What do you want your marriage/family to look like in a year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?
- Is there trouble in your family that you’ll be bringing into the marriage? Trouble with parents? Trouble with kids? Trouble with siblings?
- Is he/she actively serving God? (I wouldn’t waste time asking about salvation. If you have to ask them because it’s not obvious, then that’s probably all you need to know.) If you truly believe that your life and your decisions have consequences in this life and in eternity with the LORD, then trying to marry someone who doesn’t have those things in mind clearly won’t help.
- How are you going to raise your kids?
- Who do you want to bless this relationship?
- If you want a marriage blessed by the state, it’s not that difficult. The state has a couple qualifications and some paperwork and the state will sanction your marriage. But if you want a marriage blessed by God, then you do it God’s way.
- (Why get married in a church with a pastor if the LORD isn’t a part of your life? What’s the purpose of bringing God into something you haven’t wanted Him involved in up to this point?)
- Is there any plan to serve God with your lives? What is the plan?
- Do you pray together? Do you read the Bible together? Do you serve God together outside the home? Is he/she able to pray or help you appreciate the LORD more?
- How does he/she have fun? Is he/she on drugs? Is he/she a drunk?
- Is there time for fun? Working always?
- How will you schedule your fun together?