Trust in Relationships - Bible Baptist Church

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Trust in relationships

Mutual trust is how two people are connected in a healthy, godly way. Mutual trust is built slowly over time. Dr. Charles Feltman said Trust is choosing to risk making something valuable to you vulnerable to someone else’s actions. This is Abraham and Isaac on the altar.

Why does God want you to trust Him? Why is trust the highest moral value? Skeptics understand this. Here is what makes trust very valuable in any relationship starting with a person’s relationship to God.

Trust allows for vulnerability. It allows God’s light to enter into places it needs to.
Trust is the basis for openness and honesty. It is an avenue to the truth.
Trust facilitates fellowship and shared goals.
Trust attracts investment.
Trusting can alleviate anxiety and fear.
Trust fosters a sense of belonging and security.

Proverbs is the book that describes these elements of relationship.

Respect boundaries

You are trustworthy if you are clear about your boundaries, and you respect my boundaries.
Proverbs 25:17 Leave your neighbor’s house before you become an unwelcome guest.
People need both presence and absence.
There are areas of life where people do not want you.
There is a certain amount of time people are willing to give you, but if you are not considerate of that time, you will become a nuisance.
So I asked what you may ask, does this mean that God respects boundaries?

Dependability

You are trustworthy if you do what you say you will do.
This can mean competence to do what is your responsibility.
Obviously, you’re unreliable if you don’t perform what you say you will.
Jesus said to the Jews, The kingdom of God shall be taken from you and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof. Do you think you’re an heir of the kingdom of God without bringing forth fruit? The whole reason he warned one group about losing the kingdom of God is because they didn’t bear fruit. But you think he’s going to give it to more people who don’t bear fruit?! Are you kidding?!
You can prove unreliable if you withdraw your support at a critical time because you’re malicious and want to see them fail. Proverbs 25:19 Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.
This is why forgiveness is separate from reconciliation. While I appreciate your heartbrokenness over this and I appreciate you trying to make it right, you’re reliability is built over time and we have to start over on you being a reliable person now.

Accountability

I can only trust you if you own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.
1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
We are typically more comfortable giving help than asking for it. But asking for help shows that you’re honest about yourself and humble enough to allow others to know you don’t know the answer. That is accountability.
Real accountability has these components:
- Acknowledge the offending action.
- Apologize showing real regret.
- Restoration of what was taken or reversing the offensive action.

Protection of privacy

I can only trust you if you don’t share information that is not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential.
Proverbs 11:13 A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Proverbs 18:8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Proverbs 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
We choose to hot-wire a relationship by pretending we’re close because we have a common enemy. Brene Brown called it Common Enemy Intimacy. It is fake intimacy. It is not real friendship.

Integrity

I can only trust you if you act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.
- Proverbs 20:7 The just man walks in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.
- Choosing courage over comfort
- Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy
- Practicing your values, not just professing them.
Integrity is about who you really are. If you go with the flow or don’t seem to be anchored to anything, you are a risk and, therefore, untrustworthy.
If your belief is that God can’t figure out hypocrisy but you can, meaning if I confess to God that I believe in Jesus then He is so profoundly moved He grants me eternal life.
- Integrity is part of trust and if your profession does not match your practice, the LORD is not moved by your hypocrisy.
- Jesus said, Why do you call me LORD but don’t do the things I say? Who are you kidding? Unfit for the kingdom.

Generous approach

I give you the benefit of the doubt. You give me the benefit of the doubt. Or you give the LORD the benefit of your doubt.
Extending the most generous interpretation to the intentions, words, and actions of others. It is the opposition of suspicion.
Your history may not warrant the benefit of my doubt. But I want to be careful not to falsely accuse people where there is no blame. Proverbs 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalts folly.